So I went to my midwife for our first "talk" appointment, and I am in LOVE. She is amazing, and everything that I want. She's smart, and I know she will tell me the truth around every corner. She emphasizes good nutrition, and a healthy lifestyle, including yoga and exercise. Her beliefs run right in line with mine. When I told her I did pendulum testing and it says that I'm having twins (who knows, but time will tell), she tried to listen to the heart beat to tell if she could hear two beats. I don't think she heard anything. Her husband helps run the business and is very nice as well. I'm planning on a home birth. I have a feeling that I will be having twins, but nothing is official with that at all. I will be having my first exam on the January 19, and scheduling my appointment for an ultrasound.
I have been feeling rather tired today. I don't want to do anything but sleep. I also want to eat, A LOT. I had a really bad sugar-filled day yesterday. It cemented in my mind how addictive and awful that stuff is. I vowed to myself not to partake in that stuff anymore. I am trying to opt for all natural, straight from the ground food. I need to cut out salt, also. This is odd, since I've always had low blood pressure, I've been encouraged to eat a lot of salt. I have a lot of anxiety about weight gain, and I know I need to listen to my body. But I'm just so unsure of my body's signals. I've dealt with addiction and weight problems for so long.
I have been having anxiety in the middle of the night. I get worried when I wake up to pee and I'm SOOOO tired. I think, could I really take care of a baby right now? Because I know I will have to. I also wonder if I'll be able to keep up with the household chores. I have trouble keeping up right now. How will my life change? AND MY JOB! I don't know. With me being able to work from home so often, it really seems like a great job, but I just don't know how I'll be able to do it all the way I want to do it.
I'm really happy and excited but I'm so scared and nervous about so much. I just want to curl up into a ball, but I know that's not the best thing to do. I know that's not how I want to live my life, and I don't want this anxiety clouding in on my child's life. I want my child's soul to feel joy and excitement. My body is housing another soul right now. I need to make sure that soul is happy and well cared for. So with all of this, I will continue to provide the best life for the souls that dwell inside of me.
